Vulnerability in Theory
There was a time when I could sit at my laptop and throw out a vulnerable blog post without giving it a second thought. The point of #ProjectMe was to share with the world how I have made myself my own personal project and that if I can do it, I got you and we can do anything together. I’m not sure what’s happened over time, but the theory of vulnerability seems to have become a lot easier.
That’s still my mission to share my #ProjectMe story and I very much mean that with all my heart and soul.
Maybe it’s because when I started blogging, twelve years ago, the social media pool of where and how to post content was so much smaller. I think that over strategising gets me stuck often, but I also think that can be a crafty excuse for my ego to drum on about.
A picture does speak a thousand words, which made it easy to become the one pic on Instagram and a couple of hashtags kind of storyteller.
At the same time, my world changed drastically within the twelve years. The irony is that the changes happened thanks to the blogging, which is what I slowly let go of. Much of it was time, as my focus shifted into the social media world, (true scenario of the shoemaker’s daughter) while some were strategy, as the platforms changed too. Let’s set my age straight and remind you that I’m Gen X, who was blogging before video was a thing and Instagram had been thought of. This is my first confession of vulnerability. Sometimes I watch the content that is being created between TikTok and Insta and the content I plan to create makes me feel as old as Gen Z thinks we are.
I have tons of recipes that I want to share with the world and when I take a picture of them, it seems flat and uninspiring. That’s what sparked the need to write this blog post, because I know I can’t move forward until I hear myself confess this. Like any struggling relationship, if you don’t speak up and say how you truly feel — if you aren’t vulnerable, no matter how silly or insignificant it may sound, you can’t move forward. Well, I can’t, anyway!
The world doesn’t want perfect! The world wants real! That’s what I tell myself and I know it’s true. I have also learned from the responses The world doesn’t want perfect! The world wants real! That’s what I tell myself and I know it’s true. They want to know it’s not only their lives that are messy. We all want to know that we aren’t alone in our chaos. No one’s plate of pasta is that perfect unless it’s ideally staged. I know this, in theory!
More irony is that when I blogged initially, I was very overweight, so off track in my relationship with myself and didn’t feel like much of a success at all. Fast forward to today and my esteem should be soaring. I’m like 10 clothes sizes down, absolutely do what I love as a career and live so happy and healthy.
Well, this is a big part of the vulnerability and why I get so stuck and can’t let the words for the blog posts to flow. You see — it was super, extra messy to get to where I am today! The first couple of blogs has to be about what I got wrong before I had my profound realisations. Some of them have to be about what I’m still figuring out, after ALL these years.
There doesn’t seem to be a part of my life where I didn’t fumble my way through where I am today and you would think I would be so chilled to share the trials and errors, considering I support my clients through this very process. As a part of my vulnerability in future blogs, I’m going to share some of my personality traits and what I had to learn about myself and the vulnerability of being perfectly imperfect.
There are recipes, herbs, eating tips and tricks that I can’t wait to share with you, but first, I had to process how wrong I got so much along my weight loss journey. Once again, I know so many people do, but social media has been a tough one for me. Since #ProjectMe started, I have lost over 40kg/88lb and I still have more to go. The way I feel about myself is absolutely transformed, but some people have transformed way more than I have in a short amount of time. Yes, I know you’re going to tell me that slower is better and the compliments I get about how good I look, I’m deeply grateful for. I see it when my ego isn’t in the driving seat. So I’m going to talk about what I got so wrong — being plant-based vegan NOT being one of them, and then what I learned and how I’m getting better at living truly, consciously happy and healthy will be the blogs that I will feel more free to write about.
Oh wow, there’s so much more vulnerability, from the ups and downs of business to heading into my 50’s with the determination to age gracefully, and the body doing its own thing.
Relationship stuff isn’t as messy as it was when I first started blogging all those years ago, and that vulnerability will be about becoming a little (or a lot) too Miss Independent, too focused on personal growth that I never feel ready for — and the blogging stories will go on as I figure more of that out too.
I can feel how my body has gone through a flurry of feelings while I got these words out while knowing that even the most unpleasant wave of low self-esteem is growth because it’s my truth. The intention of this one is purely to set me free. To give me the permission to set the stage for so much more that I have to say, knowing I am my hardest judge and critic.
The bottom line is that it’s all over my numerology and in my birth chart that I’m a born teacher, writer and guide and I have felt the fine line that I walk between knowing I want to share but getting myself stuck in the ego voice of feeling like I’m not ‘fixed’ enough to share it yet. Then my rational voice reminds me that we are NEVER fixed! What is fixed anyway? That’s definitely something I’m going to be blogging about. When it comes to online dating or not. I’m not talking about the horror stories of documentaries that could put anyone off online dating. It’s what people say they are looking for when they say, “no drama and I’m all sorted with no issues, so you have to be too”. Well then, I’m going to be eternally single!
On that note, thank you for listening. If you’ve been around through so much of my #ProjectMe journey, thank you for sticking by me. If you are new to my journey, please let me know if you have any questions about where I was and why my personal transformation is now the foundation of how I guide others through the Personal Transformation Coaching I do, with such passion and fulfilment.
Stay brave
Originally published at https://lifeology.biz.
